Rex Alive. Yes, wait -- No. Wait -- yes. Or No

Director of Adams county hospital, young slender dark complected man in a wheelchair. Face not clearly seen; behind the light.

Nurse, young petite, long long straight brown hair. Pulled back in ponytail with multiple ties


ER not a room or cubicle, more like just end of hallway. (I have dreamed this setting for Georgetown ER on other occasions; more than once)

Other nurse, same general description as Michelle, but not her.

Walking the streets of Bethel looking for Lisa. Can't remember what street she lives on.  (Possibly because she lives in Mt Orab, as I do?) Somewhere off Brown Street, named Linville or something, but I cant find the street, cant remember where it is, and it isnt there anywhere.
Lisa's husband is a man named Dan, flannel shirt and baseball cap. He is in basement of their apartment building and finds her for me, sends me to their place but turns out she isnt there and he has to call her, but she does hurry home because i am there and i need her. I am crying and hysterical. I need her to take me to hospital to find Rex. I tell her about how it has been:


It seems that Rex didn't really die. He was just shipped to Adams county hospital and kept there (somehow) until he could get better. He escaped and came home, and everything was fine for a really really long time, except we couldn't tell social security he wasn't dead or they would stop my benefits (Benefits I am not yet old enough for, because widows are never under 60 years of age unless they have young children)

Everything is fine.

And then it isnt. Rex gets sick again/more/worse/differently. And he has to go back to hospital, which says he doesn't exist because he is dead and died downtown.
Rex and I had detailed conversation about how he had been living while he wasn't dead but I thought he was. That's how I know Christ hospital pulled a switcheroo and i spent some time wondering who was cremated and buried in his place.

At some point in this conversation, I remembered that I have dreamed this before, and it must be another of those dreams.

But I am looking for Rex in hospital -- Adams county. Cant find him, and see him at end of hall er and then two nurses hustle me with laundry cart/cleaning trolley and I am in another area. Wandering all over hospital trying to find my way back to ER, but now the ER has disappeared, even though I'm going round and round the squares that is the hospital.

Stop in front lobby and ask for Michelle. since she is an er nurse, she should know where it is, right? They tell me to take a seat and wait, and the long haired nurse with the towels is back and handing me stuff and I have to get away from her.

She takes me to get something to eat.


Rex and I are in the directors office. We are getting everything -- including social security -- worked out with his reluctant help. It's really true this time, that Rex never died.

AND THEN I  WOKE UP.

charley horse

was wrenched from sleep with a horrible charley horse behind/below my right knee. tried to walk it off but couldn't stand to stand on it. 

Went back to sleep only to dream of long auto rides (Me, Rex, and Tracy driving to West Virginia to visit Ellie) stopping to gather firewood, having to turn around on the edge of a cliff (a steep hillside), a driveway with stones across the end that Rex moved so he could turn, and I said maybe they were there because the owner didn't want the driveway used as a turnaround.

Somehow ended at a doctor's (possibly owner of the turnaround driveway?) and she took care of Tracy, then me. Don't remember what my first complaint was, but I finally got around to tell her about the charley horse. Told her to feel the muscle, how hard it still was. She tried some this and that and nothing was helping. She finally resorted to cortisone shots, multiple shots into the sides if the stiff muscle. It never did fully relax, but got better to the point where I could at least walk more easily on it.

still sore and achy; still stiff. Not getting better at all, except that I can, after a fashion, walk on it.

Trucking

Took Tammy and Hailey to breakfast at Frisch's in Rex's truck.  (Did take them there this morning for breakfast. In Tams car.)

I was going back to Frisch's to buy pop and decided to buy one large cup of pop, and a medium with no ice. This was a carhop setup, pre drive thru. I saw Jean next door at Kroger, so I went over there. After talking with her, I realized I had forgot about my pop and went back to get it. When I walked in the store (restaurant) to explain what happened, they were already fixing it for me as soon as they saw me.

But I was flustered and confused, so I had Jeanie drive me home leaving Rex's truck at Frisch's. I could figure out how to get it later.

Rex wanted his truck so he could go do something with Bo, though he did agree that I was tight to let Jeanie bring me home.
But he needed his truck.

So I sent out a text on my phone -- or tried to. Phone wouldn't cooperate. Kept flipping to google play screen or music Paradise, every time my text reached the end of a line. Very frustrating. And if course, I was trying to make sure I was only texting local people. Hard to do with the flipping screens.

Finally, message sent.
But what would we do with the kids, because if he was leaving with Bo, and I was going after his truck, what were we going to do with Hailey and Warren.

Meantime, Warren had squirmed his way into the window and popped the screen just enough to get his butt out, and I screamed for Rex he was falling out the window and grabbed him by his thin t shirt and managed to hold onto him until Rex got outside to take him.

was starting to get answers on my phone, but still couldn't get it to show me what I wanted/needed to see. Someone texted they were on their way -- saw the text, but not who sent it.

For some reason, decided it was Michelle, and we went into a wrangle about Warren's car seat and if she'd be mad because we needed to put it in her car. Thought it would be best to just call her, but when I brought up her number, there was an angry text from her saying "I meant it when I told everyone NO MORE FAVORS"
So it must not have been her.  (Its been so long since I've even spoken with her, can't imagine that I would really ask for a favor unless it was a dire situation, which this wasn't. Confused, but not drastic.)

In the meantime, I had told Marty (know no Marties in real life) that Michelle was coming for us and so she (or he) didn't need to come and could go do whatever they had planned.


In the end, Jeanie showed up to take me back to truck and Rex was going to wait with the kids until we returned. Jean and I went back to Kroger to get my car from Frisch's , and my pop.

W W W ???

The last few nights (or days) have been a series of dreams. As I dream there is a story thread through each one, but upon waking the thread is lost. Sometimes it's lost, found, and lost again.


Yet another dream of Rex being still alive and the overwhelming concern to inform Social Security that he isn't really dead after all. He is reluctant to contact them for fear that they will make him pay everything back.
Since they haven't paid anything but the death benefit, this makes no sense in the waking world.
As in the other Still Alive dreams, Rex is sitting in/on a balcony/patio overlooking a verdant hillside. All of these dreams have featured this vista.
I am looking at Rex and realizing (?) at first that he may have had a stroke at some point. The corner of his eye droops and the corner of his mouth  on the same side is twisted. I start doing some research, comparing pictures, and figure out that what I am seeing as signs of a stroke could also be indications that he is indeed a zombie, or becoming one.

This time -- this dream -- I am curious enough to go to the graveyard and see if the grave has been disturbed, and if so, to raise hell with the caretakers who never informed me of the problem. When I get there, the cemetery and plot are green and serene, as if nothing had ever happened. There's a smaller block on one of the headstone blocks, which I think is Rex's stone set on my daughter's stone, but when I look at the names they are not theirs. The names belong to ancient ancestors (Dillon, for one. Also spelled Dylan)

That, I realize, is because I am looking at the wrong graveyard. I am at the West Union cemetary instead of the Winchester one. (Rex is buried at Tate Township in Bethel.) But it's very interesting that I have been drawn to a family plot that looks so much like the family plot I expected, even to the location of the bushes, and I wander around a bit finding other (probable) ancestors.
Also, at some point, I kick the stone that isn't Rex's off the stone that isn't my daughter's and it just crumbles into a pile of gray and white pebbles and dust.

I go "home" to ask Rex about it, the whole zombie/stroke/ is he dead or not.


I am in Williamsburg, in the dark, in the rain, trying to get home. I know the streets of Williamsburg almost as well as Bethel, but in the dream, these streets were all somehow wrong. They kept ending in dead ends, alleys, or hallways with steps. I kept turning around so I wouldn't have to drive the narrow stairways. Some went up; some go down. But steps in streets are just weird, and when the streets turn into hallways and none of them go where they are supposed to and I am getting lost when I should definitely know where I am, I become totally confused.
But I keep trying to find my way out or back.

Was driving someone (David R?)from Williamsburg to Bethel, and was taking the back roads. I told him I really like Twin Bridges Roads, and that taking Twin Bridges--New Haven Road would get us there without  going through town. (To the best of my knowledge, there is no such road.)There was a parallel road once we got to the crossroads, and some numbers and a movie were tangled up in this part of the dream.
One of the twin bridges was a covered bridge, and the other one wasn't there.



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The landlords of the Winchester house are going to let me and Rex move back in. Only the house is not the one that was there.  It is the big one that I have dreamed of before, with an attached but separate suite on the ground floor (reminiscent of my first apartment that was a side of a house) and a vast upstairs that could be made into separate suites for the girls and their families. Except it was only Tammy and her family. There were even units that could house some of their rescues without letting them into the main house.

Anyway, Rex negotiated ferociously with Nancy and Gene to get us back into the house, and he succeeded.
Then he was gone, and I was moving in with my mom, only I was moving into the little bathroom suite off to the side. I was going to make my bookshelves into a wall (something I would do here at the trailer if it were up to me to separate living room and dining room) but the closet nook takes up all the space where I want to make the wall.

Tammy and the kids are going to move into the upstairs and while we were discussing remodeling -- we knew we should be able to put a kitchen in because there is already plumbing for the bathroom up there -- we discovered that there was already an existing kitchen cubicle in the attic that can be expanded.

Tam and I were unsure if David would be moving into the upstairs apartment with her and the kids, but he could of  course. With just himself.

But we also don't want to set a bad example of being cruel and uncaring to people who we actually CAN help -- an opportunity that is rare in our lives,  and precious therefore -- and we want to teach the kids compassion and compassionate actions. Then we discover the garage and tool shed and such, all adaptable for helping those who need help. It will also keep them nearby if we should need their help like for babysitting.

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Something about loaves of bread. A short loaf and a long loaf of sandwich bread, to be used for making all sorts if sandwiches. (I blame that on a Facebook meme with sliced bread as pb&j, hot dog bun and hamburger bun among other things.)




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I wonder if the zombie thing may not be the accepting of Rex's death combined with the those-we-love-always-with-us. 

The recurring thing, as always, is home. And/or family. The multi family-able house (that I've been dreaming of my whole life) The green hillside, with blue sky and fresh clean air. 

Getting lost is how I feel most times. Williamsburg because I was looking at a house there. Winchester, West Union and the Dillon-Dylans, I'm not sure. Some of the family came into Brown County from Adams (Heck, Brown County came from Adams.)  And I've been making up stories from the family tree. 
Steps must be taken for changes, and bread is basic nourishment, whether  mind body or spirit, or any combination thereof, I don't know.