Wasn't going to put this dream here -- it disturbed me deeply. But, as I am still disturbed by it, and pondering over it, I think I'll share. Perhaps you will have some insight to help me understand it.
I was being punished, tortured, raped, beaten, twisted, physicked, -- pretty much anything and everything imaginable. And some things I had never read about or heard of, even in my reading about medieval torture and the Spanish Inquisition. Torquemada should have had advice from my distorted contorted mind!
Much of this -- especially the unimaginable things my dream-mind imagined -- was probably a reaction to various body pains that have been plaguing me. I have never had so much of me hurt so much all at the same time!
I was also isolated, shoved into dark places(punishment), squeezed into tight places (me, trying to hide from my Punisher), total darkness, or, occasionally, way too bright glaring angry burning light.
Eventually, my sister Mary Ann showed up to rescue me, and she also became a victim of the Punisher.
(I have no sister named Mary Ann.)
She took my punishments for me.
She was also punished for her own sins, crimes, tresspasses, inadequacies.
As she protected me, I tried to protect her.
HE learned that the cruelest thing for either of us was to punish the other one.
His name was, I think, Vick-Tom. I know it wasn't Vicktor, because that was a subliminal thought throughout the torture. Not Victor, NOT Victor. Part of the torture was not knowing who it was or why he chose to torment me (and later Mary Ann) so.
I have no doubt that Vick Tom and not VicTor were the result of my mind playing some tortuous word game about victim and victory. I'm just not sure what the correct association is or how to reach the right conclusion.
Mary Ann is more interesting, more convoluted, and possibly (but maybe not) more significant.
Talking to my real sisters about this dream, one sis remembered the Magic Mary Magnetic paper dolls we all were given for Christmases. We each had our own Mary whoever, and one of those was Mary Ann.
We had a neighbor Mary Ann.
My best friend is named Mary.
A main character in my finished series of stories is Ann Mary.
Rex's mother was Anna Rae (Ray?= mARY?)
My mother's name was Marian, which, despite her snobbish protests, is a form of Mary Ann.
Which association is most correct? Any of them? All of them? A bit here and a dab there?
I don't know. If I could click with the right connection, maybe I could put this dream to rest -- or at least learn to live with the torture.
Oh well, I have to live with some torture anyway -- dreaming won't change body aches or a lonely spirit.
I was being punished, tortured, raped, beaten, twisted, physicked, -- pretty much anything and everything imaginable. And some things I had never read about or heard of, even in my reading about medieval torture and the Spanish Inquisition. Torquemada should have had advice from my distorted contorted mind!
Much of this -- especially the unimaginable things my dream-mind imagined -- was probably a reaction to various body pains that have been plaguing me. I have never had so much of me hurt so much all at the same time!
I was also isolated, shoved into dark places(punishment), squeezed into tight places (me, trying to hide from my Punisher), total darkness, or, occasionally, way too bright glaring angry burning light.
Eventually, my sister Mary Ann showed up to rescue me, and she also became a victim of the Punisher.
(I have no sister named Mary Ann.)
She took my punishments for me.
She was also punished for her own sins, crimes, tresspasses, inadequacies.
As she protected me, I tried to protect her.
HE learned that the cruelest thing for either of us was to punish the other one.
His name was, I think, Vick-Tom. I know it wasn't Vicktor, because that was a subliminal thought throughout the torture. Not Victor, NOT Victor. Part of the torture was not knowing who it was or why he chose to torment me (and later Mary Ann) so.
I have no doubt that Vick Tom and not VicTor were the result of my mind playing some tortuous word game about victim and victory. I'm just not sure what the correct association is or how to reach the right conclusion.
Mary Ann is more interesting, more convoluted, and possibly (but maybe not) more significant.
Talking to my real sisters about this dream, one sis remembered the Magic Mary Magnetic paper dolls we all were given for Christmases. We each had our own Mary whoever, and one of those was Mary Ann.
We had a neighbor Mary Ann.
My best friend is named Mary.
A main character in my finished series of stories is Ann Mary.
Rex's mother was Anna Rae (Ray?= mARY?)
My mother's name was Marian, which, despite her snobbish protests, is a form of Mary Ann.
Which association is most correct? Any of them? All of them? A bit here and a dab there?
I don't know. If I could click with the right connection, maybe I could put this dream to rest -- or at least learn to live with the torture.
Oh well, I have to live with some torture anyway -- dreaming won't change body aches or a lonely spirit.
